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Member Since: 09/05/09
03/26/17 10:26 PM
Zen Garden Host
Member Since: 09/04/04
03/27/17 10:07 PM
It is a good one to bump.
quoting your lines:
only a blossomnext to her countenancemaintains a glimmerof self-respect; a hope,a dream, of conjoint majesty
I think the tanka works beautifully but once the question of the comma is noticedit becomes distracting.
To muddy the waters even more, it might be both the semi-colon and the comma that creates the distraction (depending on what modifies what)The semi-colon would be correct if there were two independent clauses to be divided but there are not.
If you are going to use the semi-colon you can have only two items in your list. (three or more takes a comma)If your intent is 1- a hope and 2- a dream and 3- of conjoint majesty with glimmer implied, you would not use a semi-colon.
only a blossom,next to her countenance,maintains a glimmerof self-respect, a hope,a dream of conjoint majesty
I would suggest the above only if the intent of the message is as follows:
Next to her countenance, only a blossom maintains a glimmer of self-respect, a hope,a dream of conjoint majesty.
The question is, does conjoint majesty modify glimmer or dream.
If it modifies dream, the comma is incorrect.
It is a terrible thing to rip apart such a beauty for a comma. Once you get into finicky punctuation,you lose the beauty of the words.
Let me add, too, it has been many and many a moon since I took an active part in an English class.So, my best answer must be preceded by " seems to me".
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